I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
