paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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