He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize