conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
