Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
