I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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