she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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