Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
