That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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