DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
