I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
