we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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