Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
