Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
