the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
