do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
