So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
