I CAN MOONWALK!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
