Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
