What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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