He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
