dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
