She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize