honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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