I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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