Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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