So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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