You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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