he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
