Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
