hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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