am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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