and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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