well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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