To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
