its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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