thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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