does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
