last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
