If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
