Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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