sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
