why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
