he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
