It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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