so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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