First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
