thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
