I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
