I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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