your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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