I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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