Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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