Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
