my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
