i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize