so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
