i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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