Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
