I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
