He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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