If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize