I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They took my balls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
