I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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