someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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