the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude. I can hear the air.
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