All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
