if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
