there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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